I woke up the next morning, slept for about four hours but what felt like one. Me and the others were asked if we’d like to share any of our experiences the night before. I hesitated to speak, still processing what just happened, so I listened to what everyone else had to say. Each testimony was unique, realizing that the sacred medicine works on people in different levels and ways. It seems for some, it’s an unknown ancestor, spirit guide, or deceased love ones, there was some sort of direct communication made. Several people shared that the ancestor who came to visit them, wasn’t of their own deceased loved ones, but of another participant in the group. As weird as this may sound, ancestors on which I called upon were channeled through another and the message was relay to me through them. Others received amazing visions, colors, and bright lights, significant to only what they could comprehend. After digesting what everyone had shared, I decided to speak but only to express how grateful I was to be there. Hearing other’s story, help me to understand a little more on what just happened to me.
Later, after some needed counseling, I felt refreshed and rejuvenated. So, I connected with and spend some quality time with family, even tapped into so much need yoga before heading back for round two.
Ceremony Day 2
I have to admit, I was pretty excited, elated, ready for what the grandmother-spirit-plant will reveal to me next. Once I arrived back, I decided to find a quite room to mediate, just to get back to the purpose of it all. After meditation, I began to stomp my feet to the floor, clapping my hands to a rhythm in my head. As, I continued, I began to hum, from humming, to singing, a song very dear to me. As, I continued, tears began to fall from my eyes. The song was, Bag Lady by Eyrka Badu. I couldn’t believe I knew all of the words but it wasn’t me singing, it was spirit. She was still here, reminding me of what our intentions were. After, singing, I whispered, “Ase” and smiled. An hour before the second day ceremony, I decided to invite the new comers to a light session of yoga to calm their mind. This time it was a total of 26 who attended. At 9pm, just like the previous night, everything flowed in the same order, introduction, prayer, we took medicine, returned to our seated circle, ready for Aya and her mystical wonders. The taste of the Ayahuasca is not as bad as I thought. It has somewhat of a sweet bitter taste, reminding me of the similar taste of moringa seeds. It reminds me of mother giving giving me a spoonful of medicine. The taste is always unpleasant, however mother knew the medicine was good for me, so accept. After taking the first round of medicine, we began to sing.
After about 15 minutes, a lot sooner this time, spirit kicked in, and journey began. I was wearing my deceased uncle’s sun hat and for some reason, I pulled from it, a white feather. While sitting down on the floor near the alter. I felt comfort while rocking back and forth, fanning myself with the feather. The song we were singing was an unfamiliar hymn yet smoothing to my soul. I noticed my vision was blurring, my whole body felt light once again and I remembered thinking, “This feels like church, or at least this is how it should feel.” I visioned, the fellowships that the slaves would secretly organize, coming together to share each other sorrows and sing hymns of healing and peace. Drums began and without any resistance, I held my arms up to the sky, head fell completely back, kundalini kicked in, my head the began to sway, side to side, again spirit took over and I started to dance. I prayed asking the Shaman, this time, to drum non stop for an hour. This spirit needed drums. I needed the drums, my body needed this release. It was like foreplay, a rushing vibration, buzzing through my womb. I found myself, holding my center at times, giving thanks to all the divine creators before me. Grateful for all of my gifts, talents, and passions I was blessed with. It was as if wind was flowing all round me and I was the director this energy, I had the control. With my hands, I began to spread out the love and magical frequencies for everyone else to feel. Dancing was a mission, an determination to kept this movement going. The energy in the room was intense and as expected purging sounds surrounded me. Drumming slow down to a stop and I fell down into forward fold, still standing but from my waist up was hanging, resting. My tailbone and hips ached. I tried massaging myself but felt nothing. Prayer started and I kneeled down to the floor, I felt a contraction. At this point, I don’t remember too much, I assumed I tapped out into the ethers not sure but when I came back, I was in child pose still near the alter, now praying for strength to continue. This moment was fate for me but I remembering crawling over to a corner, wanting somewhat of some privacy. I laid down with my back towards everyone, praying like I never prayed before. I was running out of energy, weak, and my intuition told me, get ready for another hour of drumming. These are moments; I’m reminded of being careful of what you pray for. Second round of medicine was offered. Moans echo throughout the room yet everyone accepted, including myself. Within minutes, drumming was in full effect and as tired as I was, I got right back up and embraced this sacred dance.
There is this multi-dimensional spiritual world and although I’ve read several books, watch many documentaries and studied some interesting religions, I truly only believed by faith, that this was true. It is one thing to hear from others the power of this medicine, but it’s another to witness it for yourself. During, this experience, I’ve woken up to the fact there are many levels of reality and consciousness truly exist. Everything from the stars to the planets, animals to the plants are made up of spirit and we are all connected. I believe that just like teachers, plants are like master teachers, gifts given to us from the divine creator.
Time is lost in this experience, I can’t recall how many hours of this roller coaster of angelic dancing to intense contractions. I remember during a moment of crawling back to my corner against the wall, a woman started to scream, yelling, “Go! Leave! Just Let GO!” then to screaming, “I Can’t! I Can’t! No!” This continued for sometime. Assistance rushed over to help her, as well as the Shaman. I felt her screams in my solar plexus, too much to bare. I help my core, tossing and turning, moaning to her pains. I was irritated; I just wanted her to stop. It was too much to bare, my struggle and her pain. I started to pray to spirit, not understanding why the yelling. Spirit replied, so she can release, just as you should. Hear her pain; let that be but focus on self-release. She is telling you something, listen only to understand what you need to do.” I continue to pray, pleading for this heaviness to leave my body, in desperate need of rest, I wasn’t sure how much more I could take. Waiting to purge again, feelings of nausea came and went. I was recommended to drink water, to stay hydrated. Water was the last thing I wanted to ingest but I took a few sips, hoping it would bring me to a purging state. I never thought I’d ever look forward to the one thing that most people despise the most. Purging (throwing up) is never a pleasant experience, however it’s extremely beneficial to for purification. Seriously, who wants to walk around with emotional and physical toxins in their body? I could no longer hold on to anymore little control I had left. I completely accepted my experience. These contractions were merely a preparation of replacement, not to leave downward (like a birth of a baby) but to elevated upward out the body. I listened to my body for the next moment I felt the nausea come on. I grab a plastic bag, placed my head inside and directed all the energy I had left from my root chakra to my throat, activating the force. A sister and a brother sat next to me, placing their hands on my back, just the right touch-comfort, I needed to release and purge.
I threw up and an eerie scream (not mine) was forced out. An overwhelming sensation completely left my body, best describe as a birth explosion. Feelings were non-existent, gone. All I was thinking was the pain, the struggle, the hurt, …………It’s Gone! What I didn’t know was this whole time, the Shaman was right there, near me the whole time drumming, singing and shaking Juju shakers to assist in my purge. In this moment, I understood that this was not just my struggle. I witness others who were willing to help me through my experience and it was my ego and shame that cause things not just in this moment but in my life to be challenging as they were. After my purge, I past out in bliss, finally able to rest and sleep.
The After Birth:
This sacred medicine sends us off to the magical spirit world where everything we think we know in the real world is senseless. When I arrived back to the physical world of things, my mental and emotional state was altered. I felt like a brand new being, a profound feeling of lightness, happiness. The greatest gift I received from Aya was eye-opening understanding that my ancestors are alive and real. I have a deep-seated appreciation of life and love. It pretty much washed away all these multiple layers of crap that fogged my judgment, limiting my understanding of my true self. I now have a clearer understanding of my purpose in life. This has lead me to deeper meditation and lucid dreams, waking up feeling enthusiastic about my day and what it has to offer.
I cannot say that Ayahuasca is a miracle cure to all things and I also don’t believe that everyone who experience this journey will be automatically be healed, based on their first journey. It is important to have an open mind with no high expectations or you may not find what your looking for. With any illness your dealing with rather it’s mental, physical or spiritual. this medicine may just provide you with the clues that is essential in realizing the lessons you are instructed to learn. Our sickness and challenges in life, gives us a checking point in what lessons we need to learn in our lives in order to fix or cure the problem. It’s simple, in order to know the remedy to heal, we must have the understanding of what the lesson is first.
Written by Maati Ra